Four months into fatherhood

Our daughter is over four months old now so I'd like to look back on the last little while.

She was born in the morning, and since we used a midwife rather than a doctor, and everyone was thankfully healthy, we went home in the afternoon. My parents and my brother came to see her. (My sister was away on vacation so she couldn't meet her that day.) At night she cried for hours, so Cathy and I switched off holding her. Around 3 or 4 in the morning she went to sleep and must have slept for 5 hours. And so began parenthood.

As anyone who's been through this will tell you, the first few months are tough, especially the first few weeks. Fortunately the baby slept better most nights than the first night--no 5 hour stretches of sleep for a while, but no 5 hour stretches of crying either. And at first she slept better in the day than at night.

If parenting would always be like the first couple of months, I wouldn't want to be a parent. I was sure it would get better, so I didn't regret having the baby, but wasn't loving fatherhood either. Hearing Cathy's frustration was tough too. Sometimes she'd even say she wants to put the baby up for adoption. She sounded serious, but sometimes it's hard to tell how serious she is when she's frustrated. The baby seemed to fit the definition of colic too, so that didn't help.

And then sometimes I'd imagine the future. I imagine taking her camping, seeing her fascination with seeing certain animals for the first time, and teaching her some camping skills. I imagine her curiosity about the world around her. I imagine her affection for us. Then it really feels like parenting will be worth it. I know parenting isn't supposed to be a selfish thing, but I want to experience joy in the sacrifices that it takes to raise a child, and I'm sure I will.

Things have improved a lot. After 6 or 7 weeks, her crying reduced to the point where it wouldn't count as colic. She's healthy, she smiles at us, and she plays with toys (mostly putting them in her mouth or dropping them). We're both embracing parenthood more, and finding more joy in it. I've seen Cathy's confidence grow so much. It is a joy to play with her and see her mature. I'm looking forward to seeing what she's like when she's older.

We're very grateful for all the support we've received, especially from both of our parents, and even more especially, from Cathy's mom who stayed with us for four weeks.