Mother Teresa

Did you see this article about Mother Teresa earlier this week? She was such a respected woman, known for her faith in God, yet she had serious doubts about God and didn't seem to feel his presence for a long time. Some people are saying this is a sign that this whole religion thing is a sham, that this proves that even the people with the strongest faith don't have good reasons for believing in God. Others are saying this makes her even more of a saint because of how she suffered.

Is the latter group saying it's admirable to ignore the lack of evidence for God's existence and just pretend he's real? I'm sure they would say no, but I can see why some people would understand it that way. I think there are reasons to believe God exists, but those reasons aren't obvious enough to eliminate all doubt. Keeping the faith will often mean wrestling with doubt, but that doesn't mean we have to go against our own rationality to keep believing.

I wish Mother Teresa didn't have to keep this struggle so private, and I wish I didn't have to either. Yes, I admit general things like, "I experience some doubt" or "I went through my most serious time of doubt two years ago," but I tend not to say anything when I'm at the height of my doubts.

Reflections on coming home

One year ago today, I got back from almost two months in eastern Canada. I wrote on this blog several times while I was there, so feel free to check the archives and read more.

I think some people say travel is a good way to get to know yourself, and I think that's how it turned out for me. Maybe it was because of meeting a lot of new people, finding common ground and differences with these people, and not having the usual obligations with church, work, or school. When I got home, I seemed to have a stronger sense of what I believe about God and what I'm not so sure about, and what I want out of church. When it comes to church, I was feeling the need for a place where anyone, including the leaders, can question anything. Yes, I still thought churches should uphold certain beliefs, but people need the chance to search for truth themselves and not just take somebody's word for it. (This could be a tough balancing act.) Even people that have been Christians a long time can experience doubts, even if they're leaders. And I think it's a very natural thing for a person's faith to change over time, sometimes in uncomfortable or controversial ways.

I keep a bit of a prayer journal, and I looked back at it to figure out which date I got home on. I also noticed something I'd forgotten: I wasn't feeling very optimistic about returning to my church. I guess I wasn't sure if I'd find the freedom there to be myself, search for truth, and grow in ways that they wouldn't necessarily choose for me. That evening a year ago, we had a youth leaders' meeting at church. It was a good chance to reconnect with some friends, and I remember our pastor saying something that made him sound open-minded and willing to disagree with the majority of Christians. By the end of the evening I was already feeling more optimistic about staying at the same church.

Eventually I had a few chances to talk with our pastor about some stuff that was on my mind, and I developed a closer relationship with him as a result. Eventually we had a new Sunday school class (or "Discovery Group" as they're called at our church) where we discussed whatever "searching questions" we had on our minds. Most of the time, I really enjoyed that class.

This doesn't mean I never question my place in this church. There are still a lot of people (including many of the parents of people in our youth group) who don't know much about where I stand on certain spiritual issues or what I've been through spiritually in the last couple of years. Sometimes I fear what they'd think if I told them all of that. Even when I do voice my opinions and questions, even with close friends, I'm not always thrilled with the response. But I know I can't expect everyone to agree with me, and these close friends have remained close. I experience alternating enthusiasm and negativity about my faith and my church and sometimes I experience both at the same time.

Maybe it would be easier to start fresh in a new church, but the people there mean a lot to me, and I've had the chance to see some of the younger ones grow from tiny babies to wonderful teenagers (and even a few young adults) who really seem to care about the people around them. A year after my return, there is still baggage from being in the church I grew up in, but hopefully I'll be able to work through this and God will show his strength in my weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). I'm still finding my place (which could take a lifetime), but I think I'm headed in the right direction.

Calgary

It's my hundredth post! To celebrate, I'm going to have a special episode in which I... um... write what I was going to write about anyway--my trip to Calgary this past weeknd.

I went to Calgary last weekend to visit a couple of friends. I could tell you about the conversations, the movies, the Shatner Show, the Chinatown Street Festival, church, and the crepe party. But I think I'll write about something smaller. On Saturday, we browsed a used book store for a while, and I found a book from 1994 called "You Are Becoming a Galactic Human". I read the back cover, and it claims to explain why all life on earth will be physically transformed by the end of 1996. With statements like that, I can see why it hasn't sold yet. For better mockery of this book (from someone who actually read it), click here.

Pictures:And of course, there are more pictures here.

Yummy

Yummy
Yummy
Yummy
I got love in my tummy
and I feel like a lovin' you;
The Love
you're such a sweet thing
good enough to eat thing
and that's just a what I'm gonna do.
Ooh love
to hold ya
ooh love
to kiss ya
ooh love
I love it so.
ooh love
you're sweeter
sweeter than sugar
Ooh love
I wont let you go.
Yummy
Yummy
Yummy
I got love in my tummy
and as silly as it may seem;
The lovin' that you're givin'
is what keeps livin'
and your love is like peaches and cream.
Kind a like sugar
kind a like spices
kind a like
like what you do.
Kind a sounds funny
but love
honey
honey I love you.
Ba da
ba da da da da.
Ba da da da da
ba da da da.
Yummy
Yummy
Yummy
I got love in my tummy
that your love can satisfy:
The Love
you're such a sweet thing
good enough to eat thing
and sweet thing
that ain't no lie.
Ooh love
to hold ya
ooh love
to kiss ya
ooh love
I love it so.
Ooh love
you're sweeter
sweeter than sugar
Ooh love
I wont let you go.
Ba da
ba da da da da
Ba da da da ...

No, this doesn't mean I'm not single anymore. When we were camping on the weekend, my brother asked me to sing this song, but I could only remember that one line, and I also had no idea who sang it (aside from Homer Simpson). So I did some searching and found the lyrics, which you already read. I also found out that The Ohio Express sang it.

Moving

It's official. I'm moving to northeast Edmonton in September. I made an offer on a townhouse, it got accepted, and the financing is lined up now. All that's left is to meet with a lawyer, sign some more papers, pay quite a bit of money, and then get in the biggest pile of debt anyone in my family has ever experienced. (My parents bought their house--which is bigger and better than mine--20 years ago, so it was quite a bit cheaper, and nobody else in my family owns a house.)

Meanwhile I went camping with my brother and sister in Jasper last weekend, so I got to spend a couple days surrounded by nature, appreciating God's creation (and polluting it on the way there and back). Here's a picture:
And you can see more pictures here.

Finally, the Hickfest pictures are ready!

If you've never experienced the Gopher Hole Museum in Torrington, Alberta, you don't know what you're missing. (You can decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing.) A friend of mine invited a bunch of people to her family's farm for the last weekend in July. She called it Hickfest, and as part of it, we went to the Gopher Hole Museum. Here's a picture:


Other hick activities included riding a car hood attached to a quad, swimming in a river, making hairspray burners. It was a fun weekend and I even got to see a few friends I hadn't seen in a while. I posted more photos, but this time they're on Facebook, not Yahoo, because Yahoo Photos is shutting down. The good news is, you can still see them even if you aren't a member of the evil empire yet (you know you'll join eventually). See the photos here.

War Crimes and Mercy

I haven't heard much in the mainstream media about the civil war happening in northern Uganda. It's been going on for 20 years. Last year, peace talks began and the fighting started to wind down, but a lot of issues have gone unresolved, and the fighting hasn't totally stopped. During this war, soldiers have done some atrocious things like rape, murder, and kidnapping children and forcing them to become soldiers. So one big question is, what do they do with the people who've committed these atrocities? Here are a couple of articles by people who don't think there should be big war crimes trials in this situation:

Why the ICC Must Stop Impeding Juba Process

Truth and Reconciliation, Ugandan Style

I wasn't actually planning to say much about Christianity in this post, but as a Christian, articles like this sometimes get me thinking about parallels between this situation and Christian teachings. Christianity teaches that we have all rebelled against God, but God decided it was better to offer reconciliation than to make sure our punishment fit the crime. God's grace allows us to leave behind our lives that were opposed to him and be welcomed into his family, like a former child soldier brought back into a community where he raped and killed people. The crime happened and it can't be undone, but dealing with these problems more through grace than punishment gives more hope for a peaceful future. And I am impressed that the Acholi people have their own way of dealing with these situations graciously. They probably have grace "figured out" better than most Christians, including myself. For one thing, they have experienced it in more concrete terms than most of us in the developed world. Imagine if the whole world could make peace like this.

And now I'm going to quote the Bible:
"If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!"
--Romans 5:10-11 (The Message)

Fraud, part 2

About a year ago, someone who is not me bought a plane ticket on my credit card. I called the credit card company, signed a form they sent me, and I didn't have to pay for it. (See the story here.) Anyway, they recommended that I contact the credit bureaus to tell them about this. I did, and they both asked me to sign something and mail it in. Both of them put a warning on my file telling anyone who might be offering "me" credit of some sort has to phone me first to confirm my identity. (This way, if someone tries to get a loan or cell phone or something in my name, intending to stick me with the bill, they won't be able to do it.)

Today there was a message on the phone from Telus. They said a dealership of some sort was trying to get a cell phone in my name. Thanks to the warning on my credit report, they had to call me to confirm that I really was trying to get a cell phone, which I wasn't. So if you've ever been a victim of credit card fraud, I'd recommend contacting the credit bureaus (Equifax, Transunion, and possibly one other company if you're Canadian) and getting a fraud warning on your file.

The problem: The Telus person only left a general Telus number to phone, she only left her first name, and I could hardly understand her name, so when I called back, the people I talked to couldn't track down this fraudulent request. I'm not too worried though; I don't think they'd actually let someone open the account without confirmation from me. But if I ever tried to sign up for a new account with Telus and they don't start leaving more information in their messages, I might not be able to confirm my identity. If that happened, I might have to try a different company.